The Role of Ego in Relationships: A Perspective from Traditional and Modern India

Introduction

Ego plays a significant role in shaping relationships, influencing interactions, and determining the longevity of personal bonds. In the Indian context, relationships have been guided by cultural values, traditions, and social hierarchies for centuries. However, with modernization, urbanization, and evolving gender roles, the perception of ego in relationships has undergone a transformation.

In this blog, we will explore how ego affects relationships in both traditional and modern India, with examples highlighting the changes in societal norms. We will also discuss ways to balance ego to foster healthy and lasting relationships.

Ego in Traditional Indian Relationships

In traditional Indian society, relationships were structured around hierarchy, respect, and duty. Whether it was between husband and wife, parents and children, or within joint families, personal egos were often suppressed to maintain harmony.

1. The Role of Ego in Marriages

Traditionally, Indian marriages followed a patriarchal setup where the husband was considered the decision-maker. Women were expected to be submissive, and their opinions often took a backseat. While this system prevented conflicts to some extent, it also led to suppressed emotions, unexpressed grievances, and, in many cases, toxic relationships.

Example: In old Bollywood films and literature, we often see wives sacrificing their happiness for the family’s well-being. A classic example is the story of Savitri and Satyavan from Hindu mythology, where Savitri’s devotion and patience overshadowed any individual desires or ego.

2. Ego in Joint Families

Joint families, which were once the backbone of Indian society, operated on collective decision-making. The elder male members had the final say, and younger members were expected to comply. This structure minimized individual egos but also created resentment in many cases when personal aspirations were ignored.

Example: The classic Indian TV show Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi showcased family politics and ego clashes between generations. While traditions bound them together, ego struggles often led to emotional turmoil.

3. Parent-Child Dynamics and Ego

In traditional Indian parenting, discipline was emphasized, and questioning elders was discouraged. Parents often saw themselves as authority figures rather than friends, leading to emotional distance between generations.

Example: The movie Baghban (2003) highlights how ego clashes between parents and children lead to estrangement, where children, driven by their sense of superiority, neglect their aging parents.

Ego in Modern Indian Relationships

With education, financial independence, and exposure to global cultures, relationships in India have evolved. While modernity has brought more equality and open-mindedness, it has also increased individualism, making ego clashes more common.

1. Changing Dynamics in Marriages

Modern Indian marriages are moving towards companionship and equality, where both partners have a say in decisions. However, ego battles are more frequent, as individuals prioritize self-respect and personal space over compromise.

Example: The rise of divorce rates in urban India highlights how modern couples struggle with ego-driven conflicts. A study shows that lack of compromise is one of the top reasons for divorce in Indian cities.

2. Shift from Joint Families to Nuclear Families

With nuclear families becoming the norm, individuals now prioritize their ambitions and personal happiness over traditional family obligations. While this provides independence, it also creates challenges in maintaining family bonds.

Example: The film Piku (2015) portrays the struggle between career ambitions and family responsibilities, where ego plays a crucial role in defining relationships between the daughter and her aging father.

3. Parent-Child Relationships in the Digital Age

Modern parenting is more democratic, with children encouraged to voice their opinions. While this reduces the hierarchy, it also creates frequent ego clashes between parents and children.

Example: The generational gap is evident in social media conflicts, where parents struggle to understand modern lifestyles, leading to misunderstandings and ego-driven arguments.

Balancing Ego for Healthy Relationships

Ego, when controlled, can be beneficial in maintaining self-respect and dignity. However, unchecked ego can destroy relationships. Here’s how one can strike a balance:

1. Practice Active Listening – Respecting different perspectives and avoiding dismissive behavior can reduce ego conflicts.
2. Prioritize Communication – Honest conversations help resolve misunderstandings before they escalate.
3. Embrace Compromise – Relationships thrive when both parties are willing to meet halfway.
4. Cultivate Empathy – Understanding the emotions of others can prevent unnecessary ego battles.
5. Let Go of the Need to Always Be Right – Accepting that disagreements are natural can foster a peaceful coexistence.

Conclusion

Ego has played a crucial role in shaping Indian relationships across generations. While traditional values promoted submission for harmony, modern perspectives emphasize self-respect and equality. The challenge lies in balancing ego to build relationships based on mutual understanding, love, and compromise.

In today’s world, where relationships are often tested by personal ambitions, social media, and evolving norms, it is essential to practice emotional intelligence and empathy. By acknowledging the impact of ego and working towards a balance, one can cultivate meaningful and lasting bonds.

What are your thoughts on ego in relationships? Share your experiences in the comments below!